Sonic's Creed
by STaR Productions
Summary: A humour adaption of 'Assassin's Creed' with Sonic characters instead. Does generally follow the story, but expands on the parts about Desmond Miles. OOC-ness from the majority of characters, a few couples are implied but nothing major.
1. Chapter 1

**S: My first attempt at a humour story, this is a parody of 'Assassins Creed' but with Sonic characters instead. Yay! There are a couple more chapters written, but I don't want to upload all at once. I can tell you that the writing does get better though, and it does get funnier. So give it a chance. Pleeeaaaase.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters, or Assassin's Creed, but I do own this adapted storyline!**

**--UPDATE--**

**I would like to take this moment to tell you that even if you hate this story, and/or me, please remember that I am not the only writer under this pen name. My two fellow writers are far more skilled at humour than I am.**

**--END UPDATE--**

* * *

**Sonic's Creed**

The crowd milled around the scene, some curious, some aggressive, some approving. The holder of their attention was a great bonfire, sending smoke punching towards the innocent sky. A tan coloured rabbit was preaching at the front of the crowd. It was clearly her bonfire.

"These books are poisoning your minds! They must be destroyed before they destroy you! I come here today to _save_ you from these lies!"

The rabbits name was Cream, and she was known as the book burner. As part of the Templars, she believed that the knowledge in the texts was false and misleading.

Above the crowd, a figure watched, and waited. His shoes scraped on the stone, his stance casually leaning against the wall. A white hood covered his face, but his grin could be seen. Sharp, white teeth in a peach muzzle, with cobalt blue fur.

His sparkling white robe was soon covered in soot from the smoke. He coughed violently.

"Perhaps I should have chose a better place to stand stylishly…"

He pushed back his hood to release the smoke, and he coughed again, almost doubling over. Blue spines could be seen on the back of his head, very long and sharp. The smoke made him feel dizzy, and he sat, listening to the rabbit talk.

"Who can write a book? Anyone! How do you know they can be trusted? You can't!"

It was time. He felt the ankles of his shoes, drawing comfort from what he found. Making sure to grin, he leaped from his hiding place with the silent grace of a trained assassin.

"DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!"

Cream looked up just in time to be flattened by the hedgehog, and his aim was such that long ankle-blades had already pierced her neck, killing her instantly.

The reaction of the crowd was immediate; screams rent the air, shattering the tender threads of Creams last words. The hedgehog drove his twin blades in deeper, breaking the girl's neck then withdrawing them. Quickly regaining his feet, there was a sharp blue streak as he fled down his planned escape route, knocking down the mobians as he ran nearly as fast as sound.

The guards looked down at the corpse of their master.

"Well that's today's pay check down the drain."

"Yeah. Bummer, man."

"Remember, she, uh, tripped. Right guys?"

There was a murmur from the others, along the lines of 'oh yeah' and 'definitely', and there were lots of accompanying nods from the group.

Actually all the guards really said was "Chao chao chao," but if they could communicate in more complex ways, that's what they would say.

* * *

Sonic felt the sensation of lying down. He could tell he was lying on his back, and even with his eyes closed he was dizzy. The confusion only heightened the sense of disorientation, and he was certain that his pupils were now spirals.

Where was he? That thing felt so real, was it a dream? He didn't remember much as the details quickly slipped away. Now the last thing he could remember was… he smiled at the memory, somehow managing to deceive the narrator as to what the memory was.

A voice came into focus near him.

"What do you mean he's waking up? We've barely been at this for five minutes! Unless you, ah, had some 'quality time' with him while he was out? He he, I never realised you were that desperate for him!"

What was this guy talking about? Was something wrong? It was time to wake up and ask him.

"Owww...my head hurts..."

Still not opening his eyes, Sonic picked up the subtleties in the speakers tone that suggested he was displeased somehow.

"FUCK!"

Yep, he was definitely irritated. Sonic opened his eyes and surveyed the room around him. Basic grey, with an emphasis on functionality rather than comfort. The floor space was a rectangle with a square attached to the middle of one of the long sides. He was in the rectangle, seated on a strange kind of sunbed. In the square was a desk facing him, and there were ceiling to floor windows around it. In the rectangle however the walls were large enough so as to almost lose the ceiling in the distance, and various complicated looking machines were attached to them.

There were two people in the room besides him. One of them was a creature with fluffy orange fur, spaced with white. This person was wearing a ridiculous set of fake glasses and nose, which miraculously prevented the hedgehog from recognising him. The other person was...

"Amy!"

Looking almost afraid of him, the pink hedgehog nodded quickly. Despite the strange situation, Sonic found his eyes almost magnetically drawn to her body. She was wearing a white lab coat that would have made Sonic accept her pleas to go out with him without a second thought. She was also wearing her usual pink headband and was wearing simple black shoes, but Sonic was far too busy looking elsewhere on her.

Snapping fingers in his face, the other occupant attempted to draw Sonics' attention to himself.

"Hello! So-nic!"

Sighing, the guy shoved Amy away, out of Sonics' vision, instantly breaking the spell. The blue blur looked at this demon that just ruined his day even more.

"I expect you're wondering why you're here, Sonic the Hedgehog! Well, you are my prisoner now, and you have to do whatever I say! Muhahahahahahaha!"

Sonic the Hedgehog squinted.

"Tails?"

The figure froze, wondering how his quickly improvised disguise could possibly have been seen through. Then he repeated his earlier statement.

"FUCK!"

Tearing the glasses off, Tails glared at his adoptive older brother. His eyes narrowed evil-villain-style.

"Damn you, irritating rodent. I have underestimated you."

"Tails, what the hell? Is this a joke? The last thing I remember is being with Amy, having... um, having a game of Scrabble! Yeah..."

Tails rolled his eyes. "Whatever Sonic. Now lie back down, I haven't waited this long for Amy to finally get you just for you to try to protect my innocence, which is...still there..." Tails broke off, and started again.

"Just bloody lie down Sonic, we haven't got all day!" with no more words, Tails shoved Sonic back down onto the sunbed, and everything went grey again.

* * *

**S: Stay tuned for more! (If you liked it of course). Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**S: Hey. Chapter 2. If you're still reading this, I thank you.**

* * *

"What in _hell_ were you thinking, Sonic!" Knuckles' voice wasn't higher than a whisper, but it didn't need to be when he was this pissed. Sonic could see that if the Echidna's fur weren't already red, it would have been permanently recoloured by his rage at this moment. Knowing the Echidna's temper, Sonic idly wondered whether that was not the case already.

"I took care of the threat, Knux. Are you trying to insult my competence?"

"I'm insulting your _sanity_, Sonic! Not only did he not need to die, but you nearly compromised the mission!" The Echidna inwardly shuddered at the fool's concept of a 'stealthy' assassination. Sonic had whistled at the unfortunate dog from the rafters, then leaping down upon his face, almost dancing on it, it seemed, had screamed 'DIIIIEEEEE!!' at the top of his voice. It amazed him how people even in Acre didn't come running at the commotion.

"Nobody heard me, Knuckles. I knew nobody would, because I'm too brilliant to be caught!"

"Your arrogance will prove to be your downfall, Sonic." _Hopefully not on this particular mission. I don't fancy being around at the time._

The two unwilling partners sneaked further into the ancient temple. Their master had told them to assassinate the leader of the Templars, one Ivo Robotnik, and he had apparently come to this place in his quest to rule the world. Finding themselves on a ledge above their enemy and his guards, Knuckles settled to wait. Sonic however, was impatient and restless, using the perspective to close one eye and crush Robotnik between his fingers with an audible squishing sound. Wincing at the noise, Knuckles tried to listen in on their conversation.

"Ah. It seems that I was right. They were indeed here, but not any longer. At least we may be able to find some clues in this place. Check around!"

Robotnik's guards began to busy themselves checking around the room for any clues their lord may wish. The man himself, however, was staring at the archway that dominated the room, smirking at the ancient carvings. Knuckles didn't see what was so great. There was a bunch of indentations in the archway, in the shape of gems. The white cloak clad assassin stared at it, trying to derive some meaning from it. Seven indents, in a symmetrical pattern around the arch, and a much larger eighth one above it. Lots of writing was inscribed upon the surrounding walls, presumably offering explanations of the strange archway.

Not trusting himself to speak, Knuckles reached to his left and grabbed Sonics hand, willing him to stop crushing Robotnik with his perspective bending. Sonic turned to him, and said quite clearly, "What are you doing, Knucklehead?"

Almost magically, all the guards in the room were looking up at them. In an almost comical fashion, their eyes widened, their mouths opened, they gasped loudly and with an accusing point, shouted "ASSASSINS!"

Sonic leaped from their not-so-good hiding place, grinning as he plummeted towards Robotnik with his deadly ankle-blades extended. Robotnik slapped him out of the air with a single backhand, throwing him through the archway and causing a ton of rubble to come crashing down, effectively separating him from everybody else. Sonic heard the guards yell battle cries at Knuckles, who was insulting Sonic and all variations of his relatives with curses and oaths, without repeating himself for more than three minutes as the blue hedgehog retreated down the passageway, all voices and sounds becoming quieter and quieter before fading completely.

* * *

"So then Sonic, did you manage to carry out your mission?"

Something in the tone suggested to Sonic that his master already knew that he had failed. Then again, maybe not. It was hard to tell with this particular person. Sonic decided to lie; he would use his incredible abilities to slip out of trouble, and his master would not be any the wiser! What made it even easier was that the mobian was not even looking at him! This would be child's play!

"Yes. Robotnik is dead."

"Oh really? Then hand me the feather dipped in his blood."

Shit! How had he managed to find that one flaw? The odds were nigh on impossible!

"Um... I dropped it..."

His master sighed, the part of his silhouette visible behind his chair falling slightly before rising again. The afternoon sun was shielding the Masters identity, meant to intimidate, just like his habit of not looking at the person he spoke to. Of course, Sonic knew his identity, but old habits are hard to break.

"Sometimes I think I just keep you around to wonder what low you will sink to next, Faker."

The nickname stung; Sonic was no faker. His abilities were all his own, he maintained, not copied from some idiot who persisted in telling him they were. The Master turned round in his chair, melodramatically and impressively, his fingers held together in the classic 'evil' pose.

The Master persisted in telling everyone that his cloak was stained red with the blood of his enemies, but there was a suspicious odour of Blackcurrant Ribena about wherever the Master went. Nobody knew where the Master had obtained his swivel chair from either; he liked to spin around in it constantly, and use it to appear impressive by turning round. Sonic saw the flickering of the Masters eyes, and decided to use it to get his own back.

"Sink low? Me? At least I don't constantly spin around in my swivel chair with loud girly cries of 'Wheeeeeeee!' and then pretend that nothing happened when somebody comes in! You're still dizzy, oh Lord And Master The Mint-Ass Cool Powerful And Benevolent Shadow T Hedgehog!"

Shadow narrowed his eyes and shifted uncomfortably; he hadn't realised anyone had noticed.

"Well at least I would have accomplished the mission before spinning around on my swivel chair!"

"There's no evidence it was my fault!" _This time he can't get me!_

"Then where is the feather?"

"Maybe Robotnik just wasn't there! Did you ever think of that?" _Ha ha! My plan is flawless!_

"Then where is Knuckles?"

Sonic blinked. _Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!_

"He...went for lunch."

Before Shadow could answer, the door slammed open. Now it was Shadows turn to blink; his office didn't have a door. Knuckles trudged into the room, clearly on the verge of collapse.

"Do you _know_ how tiring it is to kill a thousand armed guards all screaming 'ASSASSIN!' at you every five seconds?" Knuckles swayed alarmingly, getting dizzy, his words slurring as he lost blood. "You... you...you bitch of a son!" Knuckles then keeled over on the floor, leaving the cleaning lady to scream at everyone as to how she was going to get those bloodstains out of the floor.

* * *

"Well then Sonic, it seems you failed in your mission after all, just like I knew you would."

Shadow continued their conversation as if nothing had happened. The black hedgehog was determinedly staring at Sonic as if a cleaning lady being forcibly dragged away by five people was a regular occurrence. He was also managing to pretend that Knuckles' inert form was just a carpet decoration, and definitely not a semi-conscious assassin bleeding all over his floor. Sonic had no such reservations, unashamedly ogling the scene. It took a few seconds for Shadows remark to sink in.

"You _knew_ I was going to fail?"

"Certainly."

"Then why did you send me?"

Shadow shrugged, casually closing his eyes.

"We are all slaves to the plot, Sonic."

The look upon the face of the blue one was the definition of utter confusion.

"Wha...?"

The Master leaped upon the opportunity to insult his underling's intelligence with glee. Rising from his seat, he walked to the window, away from Sonic, his arms moving in exaggerated exasperation.

"You clearly do not understand the phrase, my dear Faker. You are arrogant and overconfident, you lack the wisdom needed for such deep thinking. You believe your abilities to be above what they really are, and you betray our orders most ancient rules."

"What are these rules that I break?"

"You insolent...the four tenets of the Creed, of course! You blatantly ignore them and defile them at every turn! One; never kill an innocent. But you have done this on many occasions, often with great pleasure and resounding battle cries! This leads me to the second; hide within plain sight; let the crowd mask your presence. But no, not for you! You charge in without a thought, treating secrecy as beneath you! And the third tenet; never cause harm to the Brotherhood. Thanks to you, Knuckles is gravely injured. This could easily have been his death! You clearly have no respect for our Creed or of anyone!"

Shadow paused for a breath, having said all of this without taking one. He slowly circled round his desk, eyeing Sonic with dark rage. Sonic was stuck somewhere between offence at his masters words, and pure terror at the way he was being stared at. Tripping over his tongue, rooted to the spot, Sonic was unable to defend himself. Blue clashed with black and red as Shadow stood in front of him, suddenly towering over the young assassin, burning through his soul with the power of his stare, mere inches from his face. Sonic flinched but was unable to move his legs as the other hedgehog hissed at him through his sharp fangs.

"And then you broke the fourth and final tenet of the Assassins Creed. The most important one of all, and for which the penalty of disobeying is _death_."

There was silence for a moment. All of the sounds of the world seemed to be sucked away from Sonics ears. Shadow dominated all of Sonics world, the horrible tension shrivelling Sonic from the inside out.

"The fourth tenet; answering back to Shadow the Hedgehog."

And then an assassin fell into the room.

"Master, we are under attack!"

* * *

**S: I hope my writing and my sense of humour did improve. But the only one who can tell me is you, dear reader... As always, reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**S: Hello, chapter 3 here. Please, enjoy.**

* * *

The army of Ivo Robotnik encroached upon the town of Masyaf, killing all they encountered. Well, almost all of them. The yells of the soldiers were countered by the blades of the assassins; it was a fierce battle indeed. One of the most feared warriors of the assassins was the combat teacher. His blade sang with the joy of inflicting death on the enemies of the Brotherhood as he weaved between them like a bird.

Perhaps a better analogy would be like a bee, for he was one. Like the Masters suspicious blackcurrant odour, no one mentioned the fact that the combat teacher was only six years old, and liked to giggle constantly during combat with his high-pitched voice.

"Hahahahahaha! Thirty seven, thirty eight... hahahahaha!"

Charmy Bee had mysteriously managed to fell his enemies in a perfect pattern, so if you had the fortune to view the scene from above, you would see a perfect succession of circles and crescents surrounding his small form. He seemed to be playing more than anything else, laughing as he performed a 360 spin to slap his enemies in the face with his over large cloak, which hung at least three feet past his ankles.

Needless to say, the enemies pride was severely dented, and they attacked with more ferocity, pushing the bee back towards the castle gates. Even as Sonic joined the battle, it was not enough to stop them, and they were forced inside the fortifications. They joined the Master on the battlements as he spoke to Robotnik on the ground. All of the assassins on the battlements were sniggering at Lord Robotnik, who looked severely out of place mounted on a horse. All eyes were on him, waiting for the horse to collapse with the weight, landing him on his enormous backside.

The rotund man approached the castle gates upon his now hyperventilating horse, and struck a melodramatically offended pose. His army stood still behind him, and all was silent as they awaited his words.

"Filthy assassins! Give back what you stole from me, what is rightfully mine!"

All eyes turned to the Master of the assassins. His red cloak billowed in the breeze; he stood up straight upon the battlements, wafting blackcurrant over everybody. The audience waited with their breath caught in their throats, hardly daring to make a noise, lest they miss his response. With a sudden movement, he planted his hands upon the crenulations of the wall.

"We haven't taken anything you stupid fool!"

Sonic suppressed a smirk.

"What?"

"I SAID WE HAVEN'T TAKEN ANYTHING! WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF YOUR BLOODY TRINKETS!"

All sound rushed back in an instant. The soldiers and assassins openly laughed at Lord Robotnik, who was gaping at Shadow, speechless. His red face ballooned in indignation, but before he could speak, everyone roared as his horse finally collapsed in an inch deep pool of its own sweat.

"HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!"

Robotnik shook his fist at the Master, his face crimson with rage. "How dare you! I'll burn this castle to the ground! You'll wish you'd never been born! I'll..."

"You do that and I'll stick my sword in your fat gut and watch you fly away like a balloon! And then I'll get a tree and I'll..."

The insults dissolved into background noise as Sonics ear was pulled to the left. "Come on, the Master has a plan!" the owner of the voice dragged him away to the east tower, where he turned Sonic around and held him by the shoulders.

"Hey I was enjoying that!"

Charmy Bee stared into his eyes. _"_Just do as you're told, Sonic, for _once._" He then flew up to the next level of the tower and out of sight. The hedgehog stood there. After a moment, Charmy came back, distinctly annoyed. "Come on!" he disappeared again. Like before, Sonic stood there. This time Charmy was close to throttling him.

"Why aren't you coming? Get up that ladder right...now..."

The combat trainer looked sheepish for a moment. "I'll just...um...go get a ladder for you..."

After Sonic had climbed the tower, Charmy directed him to a ledge, telling him to wait for the signal. Sonic looked over the edge, seeing the convenient pile of hay. He disliked using them. Apart from breaking lots of bones, his quills would be quite bent, and he'd have straw in his cloak for hours. Then he grinned. From this point he had a fine view of the invading army and of the entrance to the fort.

Robotnik and Shadow were still bawling at each other, screaming every possible insult for people twenty miles around to hear. At length, they grew tired, Robotniks chest heaving as he fought to stay on his feet. Shadow had slumped against the crenulations, gasping for air. The warriors on both sides looked at their respective masters, feeling a bit uncertain and lost.

Shadow pushed himself up, recovering slightly. "Anyway," he said hoarsely, "Watch as my best soldiers commit suicide! Go to God!" he flourished at Sonic, who looked down at the hay, quickly hiding his grin with an expression of solemnity.

Just before he jumped, he wondered whether it would be over the top if he clasped his hands together in prayer. As it turned out, the question of acting serious or not was worthless. He was, after all, Sonic the Hedgehog, irreverent fool.

He jumped.

"WHEEEEEEEEE!!"

* * *

About five minutes had passed. Shadow was starting to sweat profusely. What was taking him so long? Sonic was supposed to pretend to die, and then quickly climb around the cliff, and cut the rope that held the logs above the canyon. This would then flatten the soldiers, and destroy the threat.

Six minutes had now passed, in almost absolute silence. Occasionally a cough would penetrate the blanket, before the unnatural quiet smothered them again.

"Ahem."

Shadow turned his eyes downwards, to the invading lord.

"Was there anything else you wanted to do? This is getting awkward."

Shadow did not answer, too lost in repeating the horrible memory over and over again. The Templar army had been too shaken by the suicide jump to actually hear Sonics words, but the assassins, who knew better, had heard all he said. It was something only Sonic would be stupid enough to do.

After Sonic had said 'Whee' he had said something else. Just as he landed, he had yelled again, probably thinking it was clever subterfuge.

"SPLAT! Now I'm dead! Oh nooooo...bleh."

Good God he was stupid. Arrogant too, which was not a good combination. He was going to _kill_ that guy. What was taking him so long?

Then in a stab of horror, Shadow saw him. Scratching his ass without a care in the world, Sonic strolled up to the log release mechanism, and yawned, looking around. Seeing Shadow staring at him with eyes that were, against all possibility, bigger than his face, Sonic beamed at him and waved. The Masters mouth fell open.

Robotnik had noticed his expression, and turned round. Shadow acted quickly. Pointing approximately 62 degrees horizontally and 44 degrees vertically from his current forward position, he screamed at the random patch of sky.

"OHMYGODITSANASSASSIN!"

The entire army instinctively turned towards the exact place he was pointing, gasping loudly with their mouths wide open. Shadow concentrated.

"Chaos Control!"

The entire castle and surrounding village along with all the villagers and assassins completely disappeared, and reappeared 50 miles down the road, everything as it should have been, barring the Templars and one extremely important part of the log release mechanism.

The logs flattened all of the Templars, imprinting their faces with the symbol of assassins carved into their trunks. Just as the now stationary logs disappeared in a flash of light with the rest of the construction, Lord Robotnik sat up. He rubbed his cheek, which to his eternal anger now sported a reconstruction of the standing form of Shadow the Hedgehog. The Master had his hands on his hips, his incredibly muscle filled chest dominating the symbol, the rest taken up with his larger than life grinning mug.

Robotnik screamed at the sky, trying to remember the reason why he even came to the castle.

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**S: I hope you enjoyed this chapter very much. Any sort of reviews or advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**S: Chapter 4 now! If you've played Assassins Creed you'll know what happens in this scene...**

* * *

The assassins were assembled in the courtyard of the castle, listening to the Master speak of current events. He was currently talking to Sonic about his role in the attack.

"Well done Sonic! Your efforts in dealing with the attack were admirable! You acted quickly and competently, and I was able to put all of my trust in you without any sort of foreboding at all! You even managed to trick Robotnik into coming here with his army, so that we could defeat his army on our own terms! You planned so perfectly that we did not even lose a single person to their swords! I thank you, Sonic the Hedgehog!"

Shadow bowed, an enormous smile upon his face; he embraced Sonic, laughing and complimenting him, saying that he must have been mistaken about him.

Sonic had nearly exploded with pride; his chest was puffed out and he was grinning like a loon, oblivious to the rest of the assassin's murmurings.

"Do you really mean that?"

"NO!"

Sonic deflated, gaping at his master.

"IF YOU HAD FUCKING COMPLETED YOUR MISSION IN THE FIRST PLACE WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS GODAWFUL MESS! YOU...YOU...!"

Words failed the black and red hedgehog. He took a breath, and continued, in a more normal voice.

"You failed to kill Robotnik, and almost got Knuckles killed! Even worse, you then led him right to our doorstep! And then," he spoke in a low voice, "You make a mockery of the entire attack and shirk your duty in our most desperate hour! Every person killed today was because of you! You forced me to use our most closely guarded secret to escape!" He took another breath. "How am I going to explain this to the postman?"

Sonic was totally shocked. He had never thought of the poor postman. He felt so ashamed.

"And...and..."

Shadow could not find the words to express his anger. His eyes were glazed and bloodshot; his mouth was slightly open, showing his gnashing teeth. He fixed the insolent hedgehog with a gaze that would make mountains crumble and melt.

"YOU KEEP ANSWERING BACK TO ME!!"

There was suddenly an open space around Sonic; everyone had fled from the Masters wrath. Sonics nerve cracked, and he fell to his knees before the other hedgehog.

"Pleeeeaaaaaase spare me!" he begged. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!"

Shadow took in an enormous breath, and roared at Sonics quivering, penitent form like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and he drew his blade. It was six inches wide and seven feet long, covered in viciously sharp and bloody spikes from end to end. There were still scraps of organs and tissue from the previous victims hanging on the edge of the sword. Shadow held it easily in one hand, but for maximum pain he then held it in both, and prepared to stab. Sonic screamed like a little girl and curled into a foetal position with his hands turned upwards, pleading for mercy.

Dozens of assassins hidden in the shadows watched in horror as Shadow stabbed with the sword, smashing through Sonics' body like paper and lifting him into the air. Sonic screamed in agony as he was supported from the floor by the blade alone, its many sharp points slicing him further with every gurgling breath. The blue hedgehog's hands were cut to shreds trying to instinctively support his weight with them, and the bare stones of the floor were drenched in spattered blood.

Shadow swung Sonic around in the air, ignoring the sudden increased intensity of his cries, and smashed him to the floor with a wet slap of broken flesh and bones. Sonic was now nearly split in half, the remains of his organs visible to the world as he writhed weakly. Shadow lifted his sword high above his head, tissue and blood dripping from it, and crushed Sonics' skull with a single stroke. A crude slurp came as Shadow tugged the sword free, and he swung the sword again, crushing what remained of the corpse's ribcage. He continued striking the body until Sonic the Hedgehog was nothing more than a horrible crimson stain on the cracked and battered floor.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Sonic felt hands grabbing him, and leapt on the person, knocking them both to the floor. He had not opened his eyes, fearing what he would see.

"DIE SHADOW YOU BASTARD!"

Sonic screamed and gripped fiercely on the neck his fingers found, and didn't even hear the strangled noises, nor felt the desperate squirming and the hands on his own, scrabbling for air. Suddenly there was pain on the back of his head, and he fell to the side, barely conscious. There was a whimpering as the other person scrambled away, and then only the sounds of his breathing.

Wait... breathing. That meant...

He was alive!

The memories of the strange sunbed machine, and of Tails and Amy, rushed back to him. Oh no! What had he done? Sonic gulped. Who had he just tried to kill? Forcing his eyes open, he looked around him. He was lying on the floor, on his left side, facing the windows. In front of him were Amy and Tails. Amy was on her knees, hiding behind the fox's legs with utter terror plastered on her face. Tails himself was standing about 5 feet away from Sonic, holding a frying pan in front of him like it was a gun.

Despite himself, Sonic raised an eyebrow. "A frying pan?"

The other two visibly relaxed, and Amy unsteadily stood up. Tails lowered the frying pan and breathed out a sigh.

"Good. You've came to your senses," he said. "About time!" he added, irritated.

Amy spoke, massaging her throat. "S-s-sorry S-Sonic."

Tails turned to her, a sneer on his face. "You think that was bad? Remember Knuckles?"

Amy wilted and shied away from him.

"What he did to Rouge was not pretty," said Tails, showing his teeth in a small laugh as he played with the poor girl. "It took _ages_ to clean the bloodstains up from the M16." At this a frown came upon his face, and he stroked his chin thoughtfully. "We never did find out how he got that. He didn't have it when he came in, or even when he woke up."

Sonic suddenly had a vivid image of Knuckles screaming his defiance as he emptied an entire M16 clip in Rouge's face. Sonic then watched as in his vision, Knuckles calmly watched Rouge fall to the floor. Then he carefully loaded a new clip into the gun, and screamed at her again, pumping her full of bullets. He then shot up the entire place, and threw her body out the window. He then watched her fall, saying 'wheeee' lightly under his breath, then 'splat'. Knuckles then calmly pulled a grenade from absolutely nowhere, as if it was something perfectly normal, and tossed it down after her. There was an enormous nuclear explosion, which did not affect him in the slightest.

The images faded, along with Sonics glazed expression. Tails was looking at him thoughtfully.

"Yes. It happened exactly as you just imagined it."

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Ummmm...I'm now going to completely ignore that statement and randomly yell at Amy."

"Wha—"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH IT YOU STUPID WOMAN?"

Amy's voice shook as she replied. Sonic noted with suspicion that she was acting differently than usual. Heh, I'm so smart, he thought arrogantly.

As if the subservience and the general 'frightened mouse' look wasn't a complete giveaway from the start.

"He shouldn't s-stay in it for too long! It might cause permanent brain damage or... something..."

"It might cause permanent brain damage!" echoed Tails in a singsong voice, with a flouncy gesture. "Has it not occurred to you that Sonic managed to get permanent brain damage from merely existing?"

As Amy's face twitched in anger for a millisecond, the evil fox smirked sadistically. He approached her slowly, flicking his powerful tails to intimidate her.

"Don't tell me you actually _care_?"

Amy played her trump card.

"The Animus might overheat you know!"

Tails' face descended into an ugly look. He abruptly turned away, and stalked off. A door opened before him with a mechanical hiss, and he was swallowed into the darkness.

Amy relaxed noticeably. She let her breath out in a long, shattered sigh, and turned to Sonic. He was looking at her, and she broke eye contact immediately with a sob. There had been no emotion in his gaze. None at all.

"Well, um, I think that means you can go to bed." He was silent. "If you want."

He was still silent. It was excruciating. She started to shiver.

"Please, could you go to—!"

She gasped. He was standing right in front of her. His gaze was still blank, yet incredibly intense. This is it, she thought. He's going to ask me what's going on, and then...

Amy looked up into her boyfriend's unfeeling eyes. He leaned closer.

"What's an Animus?"

She stood there.

"What?"

"What's an Animus?" he repeated.

"Well it's, um, a thing that lets you, um, replay the memories of your ancestors and..."

"Is it that sunbed thing?"

"Y-yeah."

"Oh." He leaned back again, giving her room to breathe. She did so. "OK then."

He walked past her without a second glance, towards a door on the other side of the room than the one Tails left in.

"What? That's it?"

He stopped. "Should there be something else I need to talk to you about?"

Amy's nerve failed her. "…No."

He left into the bedroom beyond the door. Unknown to Amy, Sonic was grinning his head off in satisfaction. He clutched her identity pen in his hand. He would love to see her face when she looked in the mirror, and found what he drawn all over her face and lab coat at supersonic speed.

* * *

**S: Hope you liked this chapter! How did Sonic's ancestor survive? Find out later...**

**Anyway, reviews are always appreciated. Thanks for reading. **


	5. Chapter 5

**S: Welcome to Chapter 5! This is a bit that expands on the Desmond Miles parts of Assassins Creed. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sonic slowly felt himself wake up. He tried to relax again, to drift back to slumber, but then he yawned hugely. At least this bed was comfortable. He snuggled a bit more into its soft depths with a satisfied groan. Correction, this bed was _extremely_ comfortable.

As Sonic relaxed, he suddenly wondered what had woken him up. He carefully probed his surroundings with his hearing and smell. There was nothing to hear but the wind. Finding an unpleasantly sweaty smell though, he wrinkled his nose and tried to ignore it, but then there was a warm breeze on his cheek.

Sonics eyes snapped open to find Tails staring down at him, less than an inch away.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

The blue hedgehog leapt up, trying to press his back through the wall.

"Tails! What. The. FUCK?"

The fox continued to stare at him, not moving from his kneeling position other than to raise his head.

"Ah, I see you're awake." It was as though this was normal.

Sonic, fearing for his life, dived over the fox's head and ran through the door. A fist hit him coming the other way, and he sailed back into his room, crashing straight through the door to the bathroom, becoming lodged under the now broken sink.

One horrible thing after another! Wrenching free of the horrid liquid, he hugged himself in a traumatised fashion. Amy stormed in, covered in pen scribble and with murder in her eyes, but then she stopped, and gaped.

Sonic was dripping wet, reflexively rocking back and forth. He was mumbling incoherently with an ever-changing expression between ecstatic happiness, fear, sadness, and the quivering look of insanity. He was staring straight ahead, and the punch she had just given him only added to the freakishness of the scene, as the cut above his eye was bleeding, and the water had mingled with the blood, flowing freely down his face. He looked like a demon from hell, half of his face with red rivulets, eyes shining with madness, laughing at nothing.

Amy slowly backed away.

"What's wrong with him?"

Tails smiled. "I leaned over him while he slept."

"You twisted fox!"

"I know."

Suddenly there was an impatient yell from the main room. Tails and Amy walked in, to find Sonic standing next to the Animus, tapping his foot.

Amy looked back. The bathroom was absolutely fine, with no evidence of a mental hedgehog or a broken sink. She looked at Sonic again. There was no cut on his head. She turned to Tails.

"How did he... what's going on?"

Tails' eyes went wide. "What are you doing here?" he yelled at her.

Amy looked around in confusion. Both men were staring at her, expressions of complete surprise on their faces. For a moment no one spoke.

"GET HER!"

"Aaaaahhhhhhh!"

The girl turned and ran, shoes thumping on the metal floor. Other, lighter footsteps followed her, and almost immediately Sonic was in front of her again. He bared his teeth, red with blood, and grabbed her with viciously clawed hands. She writhed in his grip, but was stopped as Tails latched his arms round her neck, his fingers sharp as well.

The two of them growled through their teeth at her, and lunged at her face. She screamed as everything went black.

For a long moment Amy could feel nothing, floating in blackness. _Am I dead?_

A sound like 'Grrrmmmph' met her ears, and she opened her eyes. Sonic had his fist in his mouth, desperately trying to stop laughing. On her other side Tails had an enormous grin, also struggling not to laugh. Amy sat up, finding herself on the Animus. A sudden suspicion came to her mind.

Sonic managed to speak through his choking laughter.

"Good morning Amy! Have a nice nights sleep?"

She jumped on him.

* * *

Miles 'Tails' Prower was having a moment of deep thought. It had been two days since they had actually done anything, the last interesting thing being when he and Sonic meddled with Amy's dreams with the Animus. He realised with annoyance that she was beginning to get out of control. The fact that she had pounded Sonic to within an inch of his life was a bad sign.

He was thinking so deeply that he didn't even blink when Amy handed him a cup of tea. She tried without success to gain his attention, first by talking respectfully, and then she summoned the courage to shout. When that didn't work she began waving her hand in his face, saying 'Hel – lo!'

Amy had then decided that she should take advantage of this. She began to swear at him, and she recorded scenes of herself asking him stupid questions before moving his mouth for him and imitating his voice. She was quite enjoying herself.

Tails was oblivious to her, sitting motionless at his desk overlooking the Animus. He was still thinking.

'Why did we do that?' he thought to himself. Not aloud of course.

'Was it just a random piece of humour to confuse the audience and hopefully elicit a cheap laugh?'

The dark and villainous fox narrowed his eyes. 'There's an audience? Hmmm...'

Shelving aside that particular theory, but nevertheless continuing to think of Amy's increasing insubordination, he eventually decided that, however loathsome it may be, he would actually have to talk to her. He would have to threaten her, perhaps physically harm her in order to get her back in line to the spineless servant she was supposed to be. He shivered in disgust at the thought of having to voluntarily associate himself with her.

The small motion jerked him out of his trance-like state.

Tails slowly looked at himself. He was covered in cold tea and it looked like someone had gone nuts with a marker pen. His once well-groomed fur had become ruffled and messy, and it _stank_.

Tails looked down. Amy was directly in front of him, an incriminating marker pen held in her hand, and she was in the act of drawing on his white chest fur with bright purple lines.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Amy froze; slowly looking up, she began to shake. The pen fell from her hand with a click onto the floor.

"Perhaps you need reminding of your place, woman." The voice was full of predatory intent, it practically screamed of imminent pain for anyone who heard it.

Amy couldn't move. She was stuck in place, unable to do anything as Tails stood. He rose above her like the wrath of a titan, and his powerful fingers closed around her neck. The hedgehog whimpered.

Meanwhile, Sonic was recovering in his room, the door locked against more vengeful hammer-wielding girlfriends. He had received quite a painful punishment from Amy for modifying her dreams, despite the fact that it was Tails' idea.

Or was it? He couldn't remember. In fact, his memory seemed to be blank after he went to sleep that first night, up until warping Amy's mind. As he lay in bed pondering, his blood ran cold as a piercing scream rang through the cracks in the door. It went on for quite some time, not changing pitch for a while, but then a growl rumbled from beyond the door, and the screaming suddenly stopped.

There was silence for barely a moment but it seemed to Sonic like a million years. He gripped the bed sheets and clamped his teeth together in foreboding.

There was a horrible crack and a scream. Then another crack, and then a ripping noise. The screaming continued and suddenly became painfully high with a horrible smashing sound, and then there was a succession of slapping thumps, like a butcher preparing meat.

The screams faded to a gurgle and then a panicked gasping and Sonic realised that the sounds were getting closer. Right outside his door! Unwillingly, Sonics eyes went down and he looked at the moving shadows under the crack in his door.

The gasping became pleading, more and more frantic until...

BAM.

The entire door shook, the lock barely holding out with an enormous impact. Sonics eyes were wide in terror as he imagined what horrors must have been going on mere feet away.

BAM.

The door cracked harshly down the middle, and Sonic could see the daylight shining from the windows. Wasting no time, he dived behind his bed, desperate for protection against the monster on the other side of his door.

Just as he looked over the top of his bed, he realised that it had gone eerily silent. He waited, unable to look away from the door.

The door exploded, showering the room with dangerous metal shards. The shape that caused the shattering hurtled through the room, and impacted sickeningly with the wall just behind Sonic.

The shape moaned, and Sonic realised it was Amy. She was barely recognisable, her limbs seemingly twisted out of shape and popped out of their sockets, and she was coated in what looked hideously like her own vital fluids. Her eyes were glued shut with sticky blood, and her hair was matted with the gore and the dust.

Sonic managed to tear his eyes away from Amy to see Tails standing in the doorway. Tails noticed him, and smiled with pure sadism, radiating contorted malevolence.

'This is probably enough to get Amy back to her normal self. I think I'll delete her memories of the past few days as well – but not this part, heh heh heh...' Tails thought to himself. 'I'll probably give Sonic the memory treatment as well...'

Sonic continued staring at his little brother in shock.

"What – What did you -?"

Tails shrugged. "She spilt my cup of tea."

And leaving Sonic with wide eyes and Amy in a coma, Tails left the room and went to his quarters, a job well done.

* * *

**S: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! By the way, Amy will take a loooong time to recover, so it will probably be a while before Sonic goes in the Animus again (even though his ancestor could not possibly have survived, he does. Heh.)**

**As always, reviews and comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

**S: Hello! Chapter 6 is here! this part of the story is an interlude, between the next part inside the Animus. It gives me an opportunity for lots of random humour, heh heh heh...**

**S: responses to reviews! Yay!**

**HolyNightmare: If you've played 'Assassins Creed' then the story probably makes more sense, but if you have played it, then... um... I'll try and make it less confusing, 'kay? I deliberately made Tails evil, I thought he suited it somehow. There is a lot more evilness to come, though, heh heh heh... **

**Sara: I quite agree with your analogy of dreams, they are sometimes quite random. Who's dream was it really? Hmm...**

**S: Aaaaand- oh. That's it. No more reviews. Sniff... Enjoy!**

* * *

Outside an enormous skyscraper framing the heavens, four people knelt hiding behind a convenient wall. It was early morning, and the whole place was waking up to another day of regular business.

"Why are we here again?" It was a monotone voice, one that seemed to give the impression it was doing the world a favour by noticing it enough to speak. You could just imagine its owner standing in a cool pose with crossed arms.

"Because! We're here to rescue Sonic from the evil clutches of that bastard fox!" this voice was gruff and masculine; it spoke of impatient power and honour. Its user was red.

"What, Tails? But he's an idiot who follows Sonic around all the time! How could he be evil?"

"He was faking it the whole time, Shadow!"

Shadow looked around at the third person of their group, a petite tan coloured rabbit. Her voice was so achingly high pitched that it was her main weapon against attack. The constant threat of the ultrasound death was reducing their fourth member to a quivering wreck.

Rouge the Bat was hugging her knees, rocking back and forth with dark circles round her wide eyes. Her boyfriend Knuckles was attempting to comfort her, but the threat of Creams voice was too much.

Shadow looked again at the ragtag group here to rescue Sonic from what was apparently a heavily guarded mega fortress. He could see nothing but a skyscraper, and at the top, its logo, 'TNMFODADNLOEIAKPASTM Inc'.

"I wish to announce my scepticism."

Cream looked at him. "Stop sounding so high and mighty, everyone knows you carry around a dictionary just to be smug when you can say big words."

The Ultimate Life Form, conqueror of armies, destroyer of worlds, sniffed and turned away.

"Sh-shut up…"

"Awwww! Is the little Ultimate Weapon _crying_? You're so _cute_!"

Shadow mumbled something along the lines of 'not fair', 'bully', and 'I like my dictionary'.

Knuckles gave up on Rouge for a moment to turn around. "Actually Cream, you didn't say how you knew where to go or what to do."

Cream stood up fully, her hands on her hips proudly. "I used my enormous brainpower and cunning to – "

"You used feminine wiles, didn't you."

"SILENCE! Anyway, after that, I visited Amy recovering at the hospital, and the nurse told me she had suffered from an 'industrial accident' at this company."

"And what, you horribly tortured her until she told you how she received those injuries? Ha! Yeah right!"

There was silence. And then some more silence. It was a very long silence.

"That was really it?"

"Thanks for ruining my self gratifying story, jackass!"

"What do you mean?"

"I was going to tell a glorious tale of self important heroism and bravery, involving me, magical dragons, and a slice of cheese."

"You're such a psycho bitch. No wonder Tails likes you."

"You believe the story then?"

"Uh…yes?"

"Excellent!"

Shadow had recovered from the insult to his dictionary amid a mountain of now used Kleenex tissues. "What does the company logo mean?"

"Ah that's the clever part! See, it's an acronym!"

"So what do all the letters mean then?"

"They mean, um…" Cream squinted up at the glowing neon sign for a moment. "'Tails' Not Mega Fortress Of Doom And Definitely Not Lair Of Evil Intent And Kidnapping People And Stealing Their Memories Incorporated'."

After yet another silence, Knuckles finally voiced the entire groups sentiments after this discovery. His grin stretched to touch the dreadlocks on both sides of his head.

"Coooooooooool!"

"Yeah! Pretty sweet!"

"Go Tails!"

"YOU IDIOTS! DO YOU NOT REALISE THAT HE'S TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND IS PROBABLY TORTURING SONIC IN THERE AS WE SPEAK?"

Knuckles, Rouge and Shadow looked sheepishly at their shoes like naughty children. "Sorry Cream…"

"Yes you should be! Now what are we going to do?"

"Rescue Sonic…"

"Good! Now we need a plan to get in! Any ideas?"

A blackboard appeared from nowhere and Rouge began to draw on it. Knuckles sat down on a stone and pondered. Cream got out a notepad and glasses and began to write. Shadow devoted his considerable brainpower to figuring out why Rouge wasn't still mortally terrified of Cream.

After about ten seconds he got bored and began to randomly kick passing pedestrians.

* * *

Sonic was relaxing with his arms behind his head and his legs crossed, lying on the deactivated Animus. Tails was sitting in the chair beside it, which usually held Amy. He had his feet up on the incredibly expensive equipment, and he was also reading the paper, _The Mobian Times_.

"I'm so bored. What are we going to do today, Tails?"

"There's nothing _to_ do, Sonic. The Animus can't be operated with just one person yet. It needs to be upgraded to do that."

"What? How long has this thing been around, anyway?"

"You didn't think you were that important, did you?" Tails put down his paper and looked at Sonic with mild distaste. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Sonic."

Sonics eyes crossed with the enormous mental effort of this new concept. Tails rolled his eyes.

"You idiot. No wonder I had to physically throw Amy at you for all those years."

"Huh?"

Tails sighed. He supposed dryly that Sonic's stupidity was a good thing, as he couldn't risk anyone finding out his master plan. His fingers came together in an evil pose, the forgotten paper falling from his hands as he thought with glee of what he would do once he found out his information. Waiting all those years for Amy to get Sonic had been worth it in the end.

Sonic was still clueless. "Throw her?"

"Well I didn't actually throw her, I just showed her what would happen if she refused to help me."

Sonic looked at him questioningly, but the fox's only response was to lie back in his seat in his evil villain pose. He seemed to say 'work it out yourself'. Sonic imagined a large-eyed little fox saying 'pleeeeaaase!' over and over again to a pink hedgehog girl, who smiled slightly and ruffled his hair. 'OK Tails, I'll do it.' They happened to be in a field of pretty flowers, and there were a couple of trees in the distance and a perfectly circular yellow sun in the blue sky.

The thought of stained red walls, dark underground chambers and various implements of torture never crossed the mind of the blue hedgehog.

A little later, Sonic was getting bored again. "Taaaaiiiiiils…"

Tails tried to ignore him. There was an interesting article about cruelty to small animals, and Tails liked to read about the tales of death. He loved to imagine their cute eyes being pulled out with rusted forks, he loved to hear their whimpering… suddenly cut off. He smiled, at peace with the world. He continued to read…

"Taaaaaiiiiiils…"

No! The pain, the glorious suffering, the –

"Taaaaiiiiiils…"

"Dammit Sonic WHAT?" His fantasy was forever gone! The puppies, the kittens, all the cute little animals would LIVE! This was _unacceptable_!

"I'm booooooored!"

The fox clutched his head and grated his teeth. "God you're so annoying!"

Sonic was fidgeting, running around the restrictive room in quick bursts. He stopped at the windows and jogged on the spot. "What's to stop me from jumping through this window to freedom?"

Tails' mouth formed a sadistic smile. "Ah yes, my countermeasure." He turned and joined Sonic at the window, joining his hands behind his back. "Those windows, my dear Sonic, are made from solidified water."

Sonic reeled back from the repulsion, his hydrophobia suddenly having something to do. Then, unexpectedly, Sonic used his brain.

"Wait, don't you mean ice?"

"NO! SOLIDIFIED WATER!" Lightning crashed behind the fox, the whole room turning frighteningly dark. His insane face was the only object clearly visible in the room, his eyes pulsing with evil. "Ice is for _weaklings_!"

Sonic backed away. "OK…"

The hero sought for something to use as a distraction. A pencil on the desk! "Take this!" he screamed, and threw the pencil at the scientist. It bounced harmlessly from his chest. Tails continued to stare.

"Um…er…aha! Why weren't we doing anything before Amy's industrial accident?"

Tails had to smile. Sonic had bought the story about the 'accident' without a second thought after his memory was altered. The room returned to normal, and Sonic sighed in relief.

"Because your ancestor died, remember? There was no reason for you to go back in."

"But then why am I still here?"

At this Tails frowned. He really would have to look into his theory about the 'audience', whatever they were. He genuinely had no idea why Sonic hadn't been thrown into the bin as rubbish. The oblivious hero continued to talk.

"Because there must be more memories to look at. I mean come on we were only looking for like five minutes or something!"

"But he _died_, you imbecile!"

"He couldn't have done! He didn't have any children yet, so he must have survived, or else I wouldn't be here!"

Tails' mouth fell open. That was a very good point. But how did Sonics ancestor survive? He stroked his chin. It would be worth finding out.

Then he remembered that they couldn't do anything until Amy came back. It was about this point that the guards protecting the building became aware of a certain problem pertaining an echidna, a bat, a rabbit and a hedgehog.

* * *

**S: Well, well, well? Was it good? Pleeeeease tell me, _I need attention!_ Ahem. As always, reviews and stuff are appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**S: Yo, chapter 7 here! Since the real Assassin's Creed was so damn mystifying, I have taken the opportunity to expand hugely on Desmond Miles' parts in the story. This created the enormously random humour you will see here.**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"I have a cunning plan!"

The other three rescuers looked at Knuckles, who was arrogantly smiling at them in a superior manner. He stood up tall, thrusting his chest out with his head back, his hands on his hips.

"Yes indeed! It is an excellent plan! One of my best, I must say!"

Cream looked up from her notes, her glasses on the end of her nose. Rouge stopped expectantly in an angled position, in the process of writing on her blackboard. Shadow stopped kicking random people. After a while, Cream spoke.

"Well? What is it?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you!"

The other three slapped their foreheads at this idiocy.

"Gather round, my friends, and I shall tell all…"

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back entrance of the skyscraper. Nowhere near as impressive as the front, it was just a basic grey door with grey walls. Nothing spectacular.

Yawning, the guard on duty radioed lazily that there was a knock at the door, as per standard procedure, and then he opened it.

He was greeted by a grinning echidna dressed in an uncomfortable orange suit. There was an equally uncomfortable and ridiculous looking hat perched on his head, proclaiming the slogan 'The Echidna Pizza Delivery Company!'

"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.

Then Knuckles pulled a shotgun from nowhere and sprayed his brains all over the wall with an implausibly loud 'BANG!'

Still grinning, Knuckles pocketed the shotgun and made to walk in. Before he could even take a single step, another guard rushed in, blocking the door.

"What happened here? Who are you? What happened to Frank?"

"Don't worry about him, he's just got a stomach ache."

The second guard looked at the mangled body, missing its head and its fluids all over the wall.

"Oh. OK then. Who are you?"

"Pizza." Knuckles indicated the box.

"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.

BANG!

The shotgun disappeared again and Knuckles took a step. Just as quickly as the second, a third guard appeared. "What –"

"They're just taking a short nap. I'm the pizza delivery boy."

"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy.

BANG!

This time Knuckles kept the shotgun out. He waited.

"What's going on? Why is –"

BANG!

Knuckles grinned so hard his face disappeared for a moment. The pizza had disappeared, to be replaced entirely by the enormous shotgun cradled in his hands.

"Oh yeah. I could get used to this!"

Another guard came skidding to the door, slipping on all the blood.

"What happened here?"

"They all, um, slipped."

"Oh, OK. Who are you?"

"I'm the pizza delivery boy."

"Sweet, a pizza!" He reached out his hands to take the hot meal from the delivery boy, but retracted them upon the absence of the pizza.

"Where is it?"

"Look very closely into this barrel…"

"OK…"

Knuckles could barely contain his joy.

"I don't see it…"

BANG!

* * *

Because of the inevitable long wait until Amy recovered in hospital and came back to work, Sonic and Tails had to develop ways to remain amused throughout the many months of waiting.

There were several amusing jokes, for example, that involved Tails setting up a large amount of plastic explosives outside Sonic's door that would activate whenever Sonic walked through it. Tails laughed heartily at his joke, and so did Sonic. When forced to at gunpoint.

Several water pistol fights were organised. Using acid.

They even role played a James Bond movie. At least, that's what Sonic thought before he played James Bond in one of the torture scenes.

Tails whiled away some time learning to walk on the ceiling. He would spin his tails extremely fast while upside down, and walk on the ceiling with a smug grin on his face. One day he met Sonic walking on the ceiling as well, with absolutely no means of support. He was simply walking as though it was the floor. It was surprising, to say the least.

A conversation ensued, mainly filled with expletives as to how Sonic could walk on the freaking ceiling.

"Meh, wasn't that hard. Just walked on the wall and kept going."

"But... what... how...?"

Tails never walked on the ceiling again. Too many migraines.

Eventually though even all this got boring and they had to resort to going to the roof and throwing stones down to the street. There were many splatters of red on the pavement after a while, ambulances blocked half the city, and they invented a scoring system.

"Boom! Ten points!"

"No way! You missed the paramedic!"

"Yeah but I got the girl they were loading onto the ambulance!"

"Dammit!"

Tails leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, I'm so much better than yooouuuuu!"

Sonic sulked, pushing himself further into his own deckchair. "I'll beat you tomorrow. Just you wait."

Tails grinned. "But Sonic, Amy's coming back tomorrow! You'll never get a chance to even out the score!"

"We'll see! What is the score anyway?"

"10,093,238 to –6."

"What! How did you get such a high score?"

"The bigger question is how did you get a negative?"

"I … don't know …"

Tails shrugged. The evening was too hot to think. "Ah well. Back to work tomorrow." He was downcast for a moment. Then his ears perked up as he had an idea.

"Unless…" He looked over to the blue hedgehog with an evil smile.

Sonics eyes darted around in panic. "What?"

"Unless Amy was incapacitated tomorrow morning as she comes in, by an oh so accidental rock thrown at her head from 50 floors up…"

Sonic grinned now. The two held matching expressions of conspirator-style malevolence.

Sonic looked behind his chair. "I have just the rock for the occasion…"

Tails looked where he was indicating, and his grin widened to show his razor teeth as he saw the 2-ton boulder behind Sonic's seat.

* * *

**S: You'd better watch out, Amy. I think Tails' evilness is infectious... Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and reviews are always appreciated. Even _craved_. Thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

**S: Hey there loyal reader! Welcome to Chapter 8 of Sonic's Creed! This chapter is rather long, I was on a roll. The storyline will continue at last, that's right, Sonic returns to the Animus. This chapter's length is also to make up for the shortness of the previous one (sorry...).**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Amy was not looking forward to going back to work. Not only had she been brutally mauled by her boss, but she also had an unpleasant visit from Cream, who gave her another months worth of injuries before Amy told her how she got them in the first place.

Because she had pointed the finger of blame at Tails, Amy was dreading to find out what would happen to her when she went back to his company.

She got a taxi to the front entrance. Looking round cautiously for any marauding foxes, or even sadistic rabbits, she inched out of the car.

She carefully looked at everyone she saw in the street, and looked through the windows of the ground floor. Finally satisfied, she turned back to the taxi, intending to get her bag.

Just before she got there, the taxi was terminally replaced by an enormous boulder from above her.

The street filled with screams and running people, and in homage to the laws of comedy, a wheel rolled out from the wreckage. Amy was extremely aware that if she had not hesitated before going towards the building, or hesitated too much in the taxi, then she would be a very small and insignificant layer of dirt underneath the enormous rock.

She was still frozen in place, with one hand out, reaching towards her bag. The hand was twitching ever so slightly. A quiet whimper escaped her.

Not daring to look up, she ran inside, flinching at shadows, eyes darting into every corner, her imagination filling the world with horrors.

High above, an orange fox and a blue hedgehog watched the scene of carnage with binoculars, leaning over the side of the tall skyscraper.

"Fuck. We missed."

"Indeed."

"Ah well. One less taxi in the world."

"Yes. At least one good thing came of this."

The two of them might have been talking about the weather, their voices were so calm.

Sonic spoke, his voice resigned to the inevitable presence of his girlfriend. "Ah well. Think we should meet her? She'll be in the lift soon."

"She won't be using the lift."

"Oh?"

"I filled it with snakes."

"Ah. Then we've got a few minutes while she uses the stairs."

"Considering the other traps, I'd see we have about half an hour."

"You've captured my interest."

Tails looked up. He was grinning.

"I've installed pressure sensitive spike traps on every third stair, with a few random ones thrown in too. Oh, and there's a bull in the lobby that's been genetically altered to absolutely despise the exact colour of pink that Amy's fur is."

Sonic was grinning now. "Sweet! Another holiday may just be in our grasp!"

Tails nodded in agreement. "To make it even more entertaining, I've installed gun cameras around the 17th floor and rabid dogs on the 21st." He turned round and walked back from the edge. "We just have to wait..."

The two conspirators laughed together as even from this high up, they heard Amy begin to scream.

* * *

BANG!

"Hee hee!"

BANG!

"Ho ho!"

BANG!

"Ha ha!"

BANG!

"Um, Knuckles?"

Knuckles held a palm up to the guards. "Just a second guys. Yeah?" He turned his head slightly.

"Don't you think we should be going in? We've been here for freaking _ages!_"

BANG!

Knuckles made puppy dog eyes at Cream, a move he learned from her. He blubbered like a baby. "But...but..."

Any anger that Cream felt was destroyed in an instant by the awesome power of the puppy dog technique. Sometimes she regretted using it so many times on the echidna that he'd learned it, but she had _needed_ the Master Emerald! It was the only thing that black market salesmen were interested in nowadays. The same Master Emerald had been sold by her, recovered by Knuckles, and then sold by her again at least ten times on the same day once.

The things she had traded it for ranged from the mildly interesting to the downright stupid. Magazines that she liked, new lipstick, once even a tissue, for no particular reason than to see Knuckles' face.

Karmic backlash was such a bitch, she thought. She swore she would find it and kill it eventually.

Rouge and Shadow came along to complain as well, and were instantly under the spell. Cream would never understand how Knuckles was able to look so stomach-curlingly cute at the same time as blasting the heads off the 378th wave of guards here to collect the pizza.

She finally managed to summon up the strength to resist. "We should still go in, Knuckles. Another week and we're officially gypsies."

"But we can't! There's too many bodies!"

...Dammit. He was right.

All of a sudden a sound came to their ears. It was a scream, long and constant, slowly getting louder. They all looked at each other. "Does anyone think-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Amy sprinted past the door, vaulting over the pile of corpses and disappearing as quickly as she had come. After a moment Shadow opened his mouth. "Well-"

A bull ploughed through all of the corpses of the guards, tossing them everywhere like rag dolls and clearing the way. It bellowed and galloped in the direction Amy had gone.

There was a curious moment of reflection in the group, along the lines of 'What am I doing in this place?'

Rouge uneasily broke the silence. "We can go in now."

"Awwwww!"

"Shut up Knuckles."

"Hmph."

The valiant group of heroes finally entered the Tails Incorporated building, and proceeded to try and rescue Sonic to the best of their ability. Unfortunately it was only the bull that had been specifically for Amy. It was years before Rouge could go in a lift again, and Shadow had spike holes in his feet to his dying day.

* * *

Sonic and Tails were watching Amy attempting to evade the bull on the security cameras. Even if you couldn't see the pictures, their expressions and words gave your imagination the images.

At the moment they were looking hopeful. Their eyes lit up as Amy was cornered in a closet. They gasped in awe and frustration as the girl managed to leap over the bull.

"So close!" Sonic looked away for a moment. "Even I could never get her..."

"Oooooooh!" Tails winced at the image on the screen.

"What?"

"She jumped over the bull, but then it kicked her from behind. Hard."

Sonic winced as well. "Ouch..."

Somehow Amy managed to recover from the bone-cracking blow and ran off round a corner. The bull didn't see which way she went. It looked like the despised pink _thing_ had left. The two mobians saw the bull blink stupidly, and they imagined it saying 'duh? Where it go?'

"Damn! The first trap failed!"

"Be calm, there are more..."

"Yes, more..."

The fox and the hedgehog looked on together, the computer screens making their faces glow. Their evil plan must succeed, it must! Holidays must be obtained!

Far below, Amy had made it to the 17th floor. She screamed and ducked as a gun camera emptied a clip at her face. Crouching behind the banister, she felt the gunshots pound the thin material. She laughed in a hollow and pathetic voice, her eyes wide with insanity. "He he he he..."

She leaped out from her hiding place, running straight along the line of sight of dozens of cameras. The floor behind her erupted with gunfire as she ran through the corridor.

Then she stopped, shock plain on her face.

In the next stretch of corridor, there were literally _thousands _of gun cameras, impossible to run through. Not only that, but there were barrels and barrels of motion sensitive dynamite and nitro glycerine. There was also a pool of acid that had replaced the floor, and random spikes and chainsaws in the walls.

"What?" she squeaked.

She fell to her knees and cried. She buried her hands in her face and wailed at the impossibility of all this and she screamed at the unfairness of the universe. And she would still be facing hell from Tails about her betrayal. It would be even worse if she were late for work as well.

Amy got up. She wiped her face, clearing the tears. She put one foot slightly ahead of the other, and clenched her fists into the pose of a great hero. A generic hero theme played out of some random intercom, from a part of the wall _not_ covered in death-inducing traps.

With a combination of moves not seen since the smash hit money grabbing movie _The Matrix Meets Advent Children: The One Winged Angel Gets A Pair Of Sunglasses_, Amy managed to jump, flip, wall run and downright teleport and fly her way along the corridor.

Sonics mouth fell open. "How the hell...?"

Tails banged the desk in frustration. "I forgot she could do that! Damn that Morpheus for teaching her!"

Amy reached the 21st floor. The rabid dogs fell upon her, tearing her apart. They feasted on her remains, her intestines spilled to the world and her eyes squished to a thick chewed paste.

"Yes! We got her! We get another holiday-"

"What the...?"

"Huh?" Sonic looked back at the monitors. Amy was running along the 22nd floor. "How did she...?"

"She's going to make it up..." Tails' eyes were wide, more out of the imminence of work to do rather than the impossibility of Amy's survival.

The two looked at each other. As one, they threw their heads back, their arms stretched out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* * *

Amy ran up the stairs, still avoiding all of the spike traps on every third step.

30 seconds...

Her chest began to hurt as she pounded up another flight of stairs.

21 seconds...

Her throat was dry. Her muscles began to seize with the heat.

14 seconds...

The 48th floor was in sight! If she could just get to the 50th...

6 seconds...

49th floor... she fell to her knees and began to crawl. Her vision started to fade and her legs screamed for rest, but she _had to make it up_...

1 second left...

She burst through the door to the Animus room, and lay half-dead on the floor. Someone grabbed her roughly and dragged her up to a standing position. Tails stared at her, his eyes aflame with rage.

"_You are precisely 0.000342 seconds late! HOW DARE YOU BE LATE! I SHOULD SACK YOU ON THE SPOT, YOU FILTH!"_

"B-but there were-"

"I don't want to hear it! Seeing as you've just recovered from your, ah ha, accident, you shall be forgiven. This time." He pushed her chin up, completely dominating her vision.

"_But if you are ever late again I will banish you to a nightmare world where you will plead every second for me to grant you the release of death_."

Leaving his assistant on the floor having a heart attack, Tails turned round. Sonic was sitting obediently on the Animus, awaiting instructions. He walked to his desk and sat, immersing himself in paperwork.

Amy shakily got to her feet. When would he punish her for betraying him? The tension was unbearable. He had promised her unspeakable torture if she ever breathed a word to anyone. The first thing to go would be the ability to breathe, he'd said.

Only now did Amy realise that was an incredibly stupid threat, because she would die before he could hurt her.

Sonic saw Amy rise, her eyes flicking back and forth like a terrified mouse as she shook with fear. He felt a slight pang of pity for her, but it was soon drowned out by many memories of being hit with a vengeful hammer. Yes, he liked this Amy better.

Sonic suddenly felt on the verge of an understanding, as if Amy's chasing him all those years had something to do with his current prisoner status. He sat upon the Animus, thinking deeply.

"GET ON WITH IT!"

Both Sonic and Amy jumped as Tails yelled. They whipped round.

The sky beyond the windows had darkened to a cloudy black. Rain pummelled the windows in a continuous motion. Lightning flashed, thunder roared, and Tails was seated at his desk like the Lord of Darkness, towering over the pathetic mortals, his eyes smouldering with the pure essence of malicious evil. The hedgehogs shivered in the presence of the mighty fox.

Then the moment passed, and the scientist was paying them no attention whatsoever. Tails was still reading paperwork, a pair of old fashioned glasses daintily resting on his nose. He looked like an old granddad reading the paper on a Sunday morning. He was even humming in a contented manner. The hedgehogs watched as he delicately licked his finger before turning a page.

Sonic raised an eyebrow. Did that just happen?

Amy crept up to the Animus, and enquired in a small voice if Sonic would like to lie down so they could continue looking at his ancestor's memories.

"Sure," replied Sonic. He lay down.

Tails looked up. He smiled like a benevolent nursery teacher, looking down upon the small children. "Ah good, so we are ready. Proceed." Amy pressed a few buttons, preparing the machine. "Oh, and Amy?"

"Yes sir?" What was he going to say?

The glasses had disappeared now. "That threat was not a stupid threat; I would merely keep you alive artificially so I could continue torturing you. But the lack of breathing and the various tubes and whatnot keeping you alive would be _quite_ painful," said Tails sweetly.

Can he read my mind?

"Yes, I can. And remember Amy, to never betray me, or you will suffer from a terminal lack of breath, followed in a couple of months by death."

Amy squeaked and hid behind the Animus, paranoia putting enemies everywhere. She kept imagining demon foxes coming out of the walls, laughing insanely.

The world dissolved as Sonic entered the Animus again.

* * *

**S: Phew! About time he went back in that thing! The story will continue as normal for a while now, in case anybody was waiting for that to happen. Please tell me if you think I'm getting better, or if there's anything you want to say, really.**

**Reviews are appreciated, and thanks for reading. Now I'm going to bed.**


	9. Chapter 9

**S: Hi... chapter 9... enjoy it...**

* * *

Sonic opened his eyes. He immediately screamed like a little girl at the mere sight of his Master.

"Don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me pleeeeeease!"

Shadow simply stared at Sonic. In his mind he was already agape with horror. This was his best assassin? Mentally shaking himself, he comforted the younger hedgehog.

"Stop whining you coward! If I wanted to kill you, you wouldn't be standing there!"

"Oh, OK then."

An astonishing transformation overcame the blue hedgehog. He instantly stood up straight, and grinned at Shadow as if nothing had happened.

"But, um… didn't you already kill me?"

Shadow smiled in a smugly superior manner. "Nope!"

Sonic pursued it. "But I'm sure you stabbed me, and then you smashed my head in, and…"

"_What part of 'Nope' did you not understand?_"

Silence.

Shadow relaxed a fraction. "Now that we've got that sorted out…" he rose from his chair, walking round to talk to Sonic on more or less equal terms.

"I am going to give you a mission."

"Sweet! Who do I kill? Where is he?"

"Patience, o foolish one."

Sonic frowned. "What is this 'patience', Master? An advanced teaching?"

Shadow looked at him for a long moment. How the hell did he ever become an assassin?

"It doesn't matter. Now, you may have noticed that all your weapons are gone."

"Hey, yeah! What happened?"

Shadow snorted. "I sold them on E-Bay, of course! Do you think I would be so foolish as to keep them in my desk drawer and hand them back to you at pre-determined gameplay intervals?"

Shadow swivelled on the ball of his foot and marched past Sonic, before repeating the motion going the other way. His nose was pointed in the air snobbishly. He looked almost exactly like a movie sergeant, pacing in front of Sonic.

Sonic gagged on the overpowering blackcurrant stench. "So… what do I do without weapons?"

"Ah. You see, I have a test planned for you. You must prove your worth by going through our ranks again. You are a child once mo- well not really, because you never grew up. You are a _younger_ child, once more. Yeah, that works."

Sonic was nearly dying. "Can I go then? Your… blackcurrant… is killing me…"

Shadows eyes bulged in panic. "What blackcurrant? There is no blackcurrant here! Oh no, certainly not! What's blackcurrant? I've never even heard of blackcurrant! GO AWAY!"

Shadow dived behind his desk, eyeing Sonic suspiciously.

Sonic slowly backed away from the extremely _focused_ stare and turned around, preparing to leave. As he took his first few steps, a strange sound came to him. It was the sound someone makes when they are drinking blackcurrant through a straw. He turned.

Shadow was still staring at him. He hadn't moved from his semi-hidden position behind his desk. The sound had disappeared.

Sonic began to leave again. As soon as he heard the sound he whirled faster than the eye could see, and he saw…

Shadow looking at him. "What?"

Sonic felt the eyes on him as he left, now ignoring the sounds of the Master drinking his apparently non-existent blackcurrant. As he passed under the window, he heard the Master talking to himself. "Precious, precious Ribena I love you so…" There were several kissing and hugging noises. Sonic decided he didn't want to know as he started walking again.

The empty carton of Ribena hit him on the head, with a straw coming down after it.

* * *

"Now let's see… how to find a traitor…"

Sonic carefully tiptoed through the streets, in plain view of everybody. Occasionally he would stalk some random person, following less than an inch behind them. When they noticed, he would pounce upon them, and sniff them obsessively with wide eyes. When he was satisfied of their un-traitor-like qualities, he would let them go as if nothing had happened.

This continued for some time, and the people of Masyaf almost grew accustomed to the cries.

"What the f-"

"TRAITOR!"

BAM!

Rabid sniffing would ensue.

"Get off me you freak!"

The villagers would sigh. "He's got another one," they said to each other.

Eventually Sonic realised after several months that these tactics wouldn't work. He had to think of another way. His face screwed up and he stroked his chin. His cloak fell over his face frequently as he was pondering upside down on a 20-foot pole. There was nothing odd about this to him at all.

Sonic pick pocketed. He eavesdropped. He used informers. He interrogated people.

And then he decided to continue with his mission.

Sonic's ears then pricked up; he could hear the voice of a preacher.

"It was _her_ who let the enemy in! She nearly killed us all! Let's _get_ her!"

Sonic shrugged. "Good enough for me."

An enormous gang was encroaching on an innocent looking rabbit in the square. The preacher, an orange fox, was foaming at the mouth, yelling out insults towards her and generally screaming at everything, like preachers usually do.

The rabbit was surrounded now, and she whimpered. She was quite tall, an adult rabbit, but she couldn't do much against at least fifty attackers. They were about to get her when…

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa…" YOINK!

Sonic swept down on a magical rope like Tarzan and took her with him. He had planned his trajectory so that the end of his swing took him directly back to the Masters office.

He smashed in through the window with her and Shadow choked on his blackcurrant.

"What the hell? How dare you disturb my blackcurrant drinking- I mean meditation!"

"Relax man it's me," said Sonic, dusting himself off. He retrieved the rope, which was never actually attached to anything, and the rabbit hugged Sonic's leg.

"Thank you for saving me!"

Sonic jumped away like she was a stain on his shoe, and because she was hugging his leg and came with him, his natural reaction was to jump again.

Shadow simply watched the pair bounce around the room. He got some Ribena flavoured popcorn from somewhere inside his robe, and began to eat them.

At length, even Shadow grew tired of the entertainment and stuck out his hand. As Sonic bounced past he grabbed his free leg and stopped him instantly in midair. The popcorn disappearing again, he prised the two apart and held them at arms length.

"Thank you!" The rabbit woman was overflowing with gratitude.

"So you found the traitor then, Sonic?"

"Yep! I sure did!"

"Thank y- wait, what?"

"Any evidence?" Shadow was quite interested.

Sonic thought. "No."

"Good enough for me. Now leave, I shall 'interrogate' her myself."

The rabbits face was one of complete shock. Just behind her, Sonic could see the Masters famous sword resting on the bookshelf. He shuddered. He could well imagine the 'interrogation' Shadow had in store.

Shadow grinned widely at Sonic, and threw him over his shoulder and out the window, making sure to break another pane. Sonic twirled in the air and landed expertly on his face.

"Oof!"

Sonic got up, and pretended not to hear the screams.

* * *

**S: I hope you enjoyed this chapter... review please... thanks for reading...**


	10. Chapter 10

**S: Yo people. Welcome to chapter 10 of the fantastic 'Sonic's Creed', the rip off of Pirates of the Caribbean.**

**S: Ha. You fell for it. It isn't a ripoff of Pirates of the Caribbean at all.**

* * *

"Right then Sonic, I have determined lots of information from the traitor. In light of this, you are getting another mission."

Sonic stood up straight. "Does this mean I get my weapons back, o glorious Master whom I have always appreciated and admired?"

Shadow stopped, one foot still in the air. There was silence for a long moment. Then Shadow started pacing again.

"Don't push it Sonic."

"Damn."

"Noble attempt, though. My overwhelming awesomeness must be rubbing off on you!" Shadow puffed out his chest, basking in his self-induced glory.

Sonic was learning fast. "Oh indeed, Master. I was blind until you honoured me with your teachings."

"Shut up Sonic."

"Aw."

"Anyway. You will get two weapons back because of your success with the locating of the traitor. You will gain back your sword," the Master reached under his desk and pulled out a pathetic looking sword that couldn't slice butter, "and your ankle-blades, the mark of an assassin."

The two treasures were on the desk now. Sonic crept towards them, salivating already. Just before he could get them, Shadow snatched them up.

"But you have to catch me first! Mwahahahahahahahaha!"

And with that, Shadow dived out the window.

Sonic blinked. Then he looked at the window, and blinked again. "Son of a…"

Sonic jumped out the window as well, and chased Shadow down the road. "Get back here!"

"Never!"

"I said stop!"

"Mwahahahahahaha!"

They jumped over hay carts, they scaled buildings, they somehow leapt over gorges that weren't there a second ago and weren't there afterwards.

"Fire! Fire!"

Sonic looked up. Hundreds of archers on the rooftops were taking aim. He squeaked like a little girl and threw himself forward in a burst of speed as arrows hit barely inches behind him. Shadow was some distance ahead, skating backwards while laughing his ass off.

"Sonic Wind!"

Shadow yelped and launched himself into the air as a blue whirlwind appeared from nowhere.

"Chaos Spear!"

Sonic dodged the golden missile and used roofs as stairs to reach Shadow's level. The Master was now simply flying along, legs crossed and hands behind his head.

"How are you doing that?"

"The power of the plot, Sonic! You are not wise enough to understand!"

"You son of a-"

Sonic tackled Shadow in midair and they plummeted to the ground like something out of Dragonball Z, Shadow still holding Sonic's precious equipment in his hand.

"Gimme gimme gimme!"

"Keep away, keep away!"

"Please?"

"Fine."

"Yay!"

Shadow Chaos-Controlled them back to his office. The Master adjusted his non-existent tie professionally, and continued as though nothing had happened.

"Using your new equipment, Sonic, you are to assassinate this man." He brought out an elaborate painting that in any other time would be considered a police photograph.

Sonic took the picture. "He looks like you."

"Hmph! He may bear a slight resemblance, but his fashion sense is simply horrible. Nothing compared to mine." Shadow stroked his cloak lovingly.

Sonic was all business. This meant that he was grinning like a madman and jumping up and down on the spot like a child at his birthday party. "Who is he and where is he?"

"His name is Mephiles, and he is a black market trader in Damascus. Remember that you must report to the Assassin's Bureau first before killing him, for gameplay reasons."

Sonic came back in. "I'm sorry, what?"

"_Were you not listening?_"

"Um, yes?"

"Oh. That's OK then. Now wait a moment while I contact the Bureau." The Master walked over to his birdcage, where a messenger pigeon resided. He opened the square foot cage, and brought out a demon at least 50 foot long.

"Whoa!"

"What? It's just Iblis, my beloved messenger pigeon." The Master stroked Iblis, whispering words in his ear. With a roar, Iblis took off, magically not breaking the panes in the remaining windows, and headed off to Damascus very inconspicuously.

Shadow turned back to Sonic. "OK. Now get lost, I need another 'meditation' period."

As Sonic walked under the window, another empty carton of Ribena hit him on the head.

* * *

Espio looked up from his notes as Sonic walked in. "Ah, you're here."

"Yep! So then, where's this guy?"

"Hey wait, first you have to do some meaningless and repetitive side missions before you can kill Mephiles!"

"What? Why?"

"Um… actually I don't really know. What the hell, go nuts."

"Yay!"

Sonic ran out, leaving Espio to shake his head at the incredible shortness of this scene.

* * *

The blue figure leapt along the rooftops, flitting around barriers and over streets like an assassin...

Oh yeah, he is an assassin.

So the blue figure, well, assassined his way to where he knew his target would be. A convenient radar had appeared in the bottom right of the screen, locating Mephiles the Dark in some sort of square.

Sonic arrived just in time to see the trader stab one of his lackeys repeatedly for failing him. Mephiles used a dark energy spike to kill the subordinate, and just left him there in the street. Sonic knew it was time to act; he had to stop this evil madman from slaughtering more innocent people!

The hedgehog tried to keep a straight face at the idea of noble intentions, but failed completely and collapsed with laughter, falling off his perch.

Everybody's gasps of surprise were drowned out by Sonic's insatiable giggling, but eventually, he did calm down. Standing up, he looked around for his target. Everyone was staring at him, but there was no sign of Mephiles.

What were they all staring at? Was there something on his face? Sonic rubbed his face and looked at his cloak, but no, there were no blackcurrant stains left over from the Masters 'meditation'. He had no idea what they were looking at.

"Haven't you seen a guy randomly falling from the sky before, laughing his ass off?" he scolded, glaring around at the crowd. His words seemed to break the spell, and the crowd screamed and fled.

Well that was odd. Sonic then suddenly found himself surrounded by guards, all pointing their swords at him. They growled menacingly in high-pitched voices.

"Chao chao chao!" said one.

"Chao chao! ChaochaochaochaoCHAO!" said another.

"What?"

They blinked. Sheathing their swords, they conversed among themselves. Many whispered 'chao's were heard, and they kept looking and pointing at Sonic, emphatically 'chao'ing their heads off.

Sonic was beginning to get bored. "I haven't got all day, guys."

The Chao turned, beaming. One of them came closer, simply flying in a neutral position. He and two other Chao's behind him raised their arms.

"Oh I love charades! Let's see, uh, three words... first word is..." the Chao pointed at him. "Me? Similar to... hmm, oh, you? You!" The Chao nodded.

"Right then, second word..." The main Chao simulated hanging himself with his tongue hanging out. "Umm... dead? Death? Hanging? Kill? Killing? Killed!" More nods and smiles.

"So it's you killed..." confirmed Sonic. Several happy 'chao's greeted his response.

"Final word then." All the Chao pointed at the ground Sonic was standing on. "Ah, right. Legs? Feet? Shoes? Ground, dirt, stones?" The Chao were shaking their heads. One of them even slapped his forehead. They pointed again at where Sonic was standing.

Sonic squinted at the floor. What could they mean? All he was standing on was the ground... oh wait, he was standing on something else...

The assassin looked in triumph at the Chao. "Mephiles!"

There was a silence. The Chao grinned. Then they drew their swords.

"Oh," said Sonic. "Fuck."

* * *

**S: I had a lot of fun writing this chapter... really I did... if you can't tell, I'm feeling a bit down. But that's not going to stop me from writing!**

**...who am I kidding, yes it is...**

**Basically, my inspiration has gone on holiday. I got a postcard from it, saying it was glad I wasn't there. I am currently trying to track it down, but it has changed it's address and telephone number. I found it's mobile in a ditch after wasting millions hiring a satellite tracker, and it keeps sending cornflake wielding ninja's after me at three o clock in the morning.**

**Unless I manage to capture my inspiration again, this story goes on hold. I hope you care enough to leave a review, even if it's a flame. Goodbye, and thanks for getting this far into the story.**


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